Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Dies Pasu Guatu

Yesterday I had so much fun, too much fun. I spent literally half the day, twelve hours straight eating, talking, sharing photos and -YES- dancing, with this beautiful girl.

But one of my most common glitches soon emerged. The day hadn't started out as a date, just a lunch together. I love hanging out with this girl, for several reasons. First, she is the first Chamorro I've met at UCSD, although I had heard several rumors about others (yet another reason to believe that we are ghosts in this country that haunt America's history, "did you hear about the Chamorro in __insert academic department___?"). Second, she is passionate about the future of our people and working towards it (she is awesome, because this commitment entails writing legislation, as well as trying to make a Chamorro language soap opera! Olaha mohon umbee, olahao taiguihi mohon!). Third and most importantly, sina fumino' Chamoru gui'! Did you catch that? If not, let me say it again, este na palao'an, bunita yan hoben, sina fumino' Chamoru lokkue! She is so AWESOME!

We've been meeting for several weeks on campus, sa' macho'cho'cho gui' para UCSD, ya bulala' iyo-na "meal points." Yesterday, we went for lunch at the Islander Gril, a great Chamorro fanochuyan in San Diego. What started as lunch soon turned into half a day. We went through photos of her trip to Europe, my photos from Guam, dinner, draft pages for Battle for Kamchatka, salsa dancing at the Marriot and Bhangra dancing in my office. At some point, amongst all these beautiful moments, a singular both exciting and terrifying thought slipped into my brain,

"Is this a date?"

This naturally led to another errant thought, which lacked excitment and involved more fear and mystification,

"I really really hate it when I ask myself, "Is this a date?"

For those familiar with my blog, I am a dating hysteric. For those unfamiliar with what that means, you should read my blog. Its nothing too special or spectacular, everyone deals with it at some level (as Zizek says, the subject is always at a minimum hysterical), but I tend to theorize about it, and sometimes it gets out of hand. Basically, for a number of reasons that I don't like to get into, I have so much trouble communicating attraction, and have no social sense or skills when it comes to attraction.

As the day went on, we ended up at the Marriot hotel, dancing salsa with my roomate and her boyfriend who's visiting from Malaysia. We danced for hours, I had so much fun, it was crazy. I suck at salsa. This girl was a graceful and supportive dance instructor despite my terrible structured dancing abilities. By the end of the night it might have appeared to some people unfamiliar with salsa dancing, that I did actually know how to dance salsa.

When we finished it was already 12:30 am. During the drive home, my mind keep racing, over what I was "supposed" to do. Obviously there were things I wanted to say, wanted to do, but what was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to kiss her good night? Walk her to her door? Hold her hand?

I so wanted to kiss her goodnight, ya na'tungo gui' na ya-hu gui'. But my hyseria got the better of me. In my mind I was screaming, do something. But I ended up not doing anything. Just saying goodnight and hoping to see her again soon.

Ah, I feel so shitty today. I can't wait to see her again, but until then the lyrics for the song below represent my apology, and the hope for the next time we meet.

Dies Pasu Guatu
Kantan Castro Boyz
ginnen i Album "Party Time in the Marianas."
(I tune-na, "Ten Feet Away")

Guiya ha' gi un lamasa
Anai mafakcha' matan-mami
Hu gof kanta put i piniti-hu
Ha na'fitme ?

Hu gof kanta put siniente-ku
Guiya duru gumimen
I kuato gof asu
Lao annok klaru na parehu prublema-mami

Dies pasu guatu
Ai mohon iya guiya hu gof toktoktok pa'go gi un banda fina'homhom
Dies pasu guatu

Humallom yu' na esta ti apmam
Buente sina yu' suette
Guiguiya ha' guini
Esta gof puengge
Pues matto un estrangheru
Ha chachagi para kombrense
Lao i palao'an ti ha attende
Ya annai sumuha
Ai sen magof yu'
Pa'go na puengge suette yu'

Dies pasu guatu
Ai mohon iya guiya hu gof toktoktok pa'go gi un banda fina'homhom
Dies pasu guatu


Anonymous said...

next time, you should just go for it and KISS HER!!!!

Anonymous said...

Ai adai!!! why didn't you kiss her?!? now u regret it, huh? if only is what we think when the next day comes... anyways, this is a lesson that ought to be learned. next time, KISS HER!!!

Shoot, EstaL8rs!!!


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