Thursday, January 13, 2005


Earlier today, someone in my cohort (group of people who enter a program together) asked me if I was happy in our Ph.D. program. I responded that happiness isn't really isn't a very total experience, at least not in the way I see it, experience it or conceptualize it. Like most things, its ephemeral moments which pass and die quickly, but can be easily found again. Happiness over periods of time doesn't really exist, the smile on someones face when they open a gift, quickly, often quielty slips away, not into unhappiness, but into an awareness of happiness. A cognizance of socially what a smile is supposed to signify leads someone to think, "I am happy."

Awareness of happiness is its own killjoy, its own deflective reflective. Which is why I only think of it as minutes or stretched moments. Because a referential statement, which always comes into being when things move from being ephemeral to ephocal, is often times a eulogy. If you've seen the film Anchorman, Will Ferrel's character really exemplifies this point. When him and the guys are laughing having a good time, Ferrel will constantly remark "We are having a good time," thus effectively killing the mood, and the happiness.

So I don't even strive to be happy, because that is a temporal remark which can probably never happen, but I always know that I will find happiness, in moments such as this, typing in my blog a thought which flashed before me like lighting, the serendipities whether they are interactual, sensual, or intellectual.

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