Monday, January 16, 2006

Where Do Comics Come From? Part 1

We here at Pump Fake Nation/ Panopticomix are working hard to produce mid to low quality comics which will not only make you chuckle, but also make you confused and make you question your commitment to independently produced and run comics.

Our latest title B4K will be out in the trunk of our vehicles sometime later this spring. Prior to that we'll be showcasing it at the 2006 Alternative Press Expo (APE) in San Francisco, where we will be providing a number of free hurriedly photocopied ashcans to snotty little 25-35 year old comic fans, with highly concentrated buying power, that only want it however by virtue of it being free. In the meantime I'd like to introduce all of you to our creative team. Today's focus will be on Jack Lujan Bevacqua, our belabored artist and inker.

Jack Lujan Bevacqua.

Jack got his start in comics at the tender age of 4 when he was offered a position in Stan Lee's shirt pocket as the writer for the Spider-Man daily comic strip. After several weeks of experimental storylines involving Spidey taking down monsters under his bed and being rewarded with a life-time supply of Nintendo games, it was realized that Jack's real talent lay in drawing. After being promoted to the position of Jim Shooter's hairpiece, he marvelled the folks at Marvel with his inventive use spaghetti for Spidey's webbing. His creation was later attributed to the Canadian artist Todd Macfarlene, because child labor laws prohibited Jack from taking credit for anything other than breaking wind and being "cute." During the mass exodus of artists from Marvel during the 1990's to found Image, Jack was offered a position of holding the dam of Erik Larsen's ego in place with just his finger. He heroically braved several years of this position before being chosen to run the elementary school voting drives for the Gerald Ford presidential campaign in 1999. When asked by the media what the campaign's strategy was for influencing voters who won't be able to vote for at least a decade, Jack's thoughtful response was, "Oops." Never one to rest on his laurels after being publicly humilitated, Jack returned to the political scene the following year, running as the presidential candidate for the Fanboy Party, with Whilce Portacio's intern Art Vandelay as his running mate. In 2000 Jack made history as being the first presidential candidate in more than a century to create a short comic during a presidential debate, instead of actually debating. The comic titled "George W. Bush is worse for America's economy than Rob Liefeld" received mixed reviews from regular people everywhere. Experts attributed this primarily to the lack of knowledge over who exactly Rob Liefeld was. Later that month however after Rob Liefeld was elected as America's Poet Laurette, the polls showed sudden and overwhelming support for Jack's anti-Rob Liefeld agenda. Jack's team quickly followed their success up with the release of another comic, "Alex Ross covers are the key to America's military superiority!" which only pushed Jack's soaring numbers higher. A month before the 2000 election tragedy struck the Fanboy Party, as it was revealed that by virtue of being born in Oregon, Jack was not eligible to be President. After exhaustive appeals, in 2003 the United States Supreme Court apologized to Jack and overturned this ruling, claiming that the eyes of justice must have been a little fuzzy that day and missed Oregon on the map. Justice Clarence Thomas for the majority stated that "Even though we don't feel like justice has erred too wrongly here today, I mean Oregon is not Texas or New York, we nonetheless want to say, 'our bad.'" His political life over, Jack decided to settle down and give up the celebrity life he had become accustomed to. He currently lives in Atascadero, California with someone who might be his wife, with several children who might be his.

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails