Saturday, January 11, 2014
I Mas Na'triste
This is the painting of the saddest person I know.
She lives in delusions and fantasies about herself and paints herself up everyday as if she is perfect and beautiful. Many people accept that surface of her not because they believe it to be true, but because they instinctive find that she offers to little to the world, that there isn't really any reason to consider her further.
I tried to paint that surface that she words so hard to pretend is real, to duplicate the sometimes comforting but also draining and taunting shell that she wishes others would accept as real.
But each time I would try to paint her, the sadness, the loneliness, the insecurity, the self-hate, the pathetic inability to accept the truth of who she is, would come to the surface of the painting.
It is one thing when someone does not realize that they wear masks and live in fantasies, but she knows the truth, but still stubbornly and fearfully clings to lies. As a result she is to those who know her just a scared, sad person who is going nowhere and knows it, but cannot summon the self-courage to do anything about it.
I hope in the coming year she can stop blaming everyone around her for her problems and feelings and finally come to terms with herself.